Grief

Firefighters have died before in the line of duty and it sucks.  Me, Little Miss Proper Who Doesn't Cuss just wants to drop the F-bomb all over the place.  A word doesn't really exist to explain the horror that comes from a man giving his life to keep others safe.  This time though, it has hit too close to home.  Arnie was a friend of Randy's.  His career followed a similar path to Randy's.  He was married to a sweet school teacher who is pregnant with their first baby. 
I feel funny writing about this, because I know there is no way to properly explain the gravity of such an event.  My sadness comes in waves and each time it hits me I know that it is only a billionth of what those firemen's families are feeling.  I especially identify with the wives, who don't get to hug their husbands the way I did this morning when he came home. 
This also puts a new prospecitve on Randy's job for me.  He's been hurt on the job before, but never anything life-threatening.  I've always had a shield put up, always believed that Randy can't get hurt, that it just wasn't possible.  Because for me, he can't.  I don't think I could function without him. 
Before when Randy would go to work, I'd say goodbye with a kiss & send him on his way.  Now, the danger has become real.  When he leaves I can feel my chest tighten and when he comes home, I can finally relax.  He reminds me that, "life is short, we could all go tomorrow," but must we tempt fate?  I guess the moral of the story is to cherish every second and squeeze your loves a little tighter.  We don't know how lucky we are to have them.  xoxo

Comments

[sliceofpink]

=(

It's just so sad. I've been thinking all week about Arnie's great smile. He will be missed. My heart is just breaking for Lori. She's one of the sweetest people I know and I can't imagine what she is going through. It's devastating.

Lots of love to you and Randy and the girls.

[Raina Angeles Clark]

Nicole, Your words brought tears to my eyes. I didn't know Arnie or Ted. But I too relate beyond belief. It could have been my husband and my life distroyed. My heart is broken for these families. Scott has been in the fire station now for six days straight. He is seeking therapy by being with his colleagues as a band of brothers. I pray that our fellow wifes turn to HIM for strength. I always know that this is an option in this type of work and also relax a bit when I hear that diesel truck pulling into the drive way. My little Hannah Faith has cried for her daddy a bit more this week than usual. I'm praising God that he will soon return tomorrow and love hold us once again.

[Aunt Debbie]

There are no words to sufficiently describe the feelings that follow such a tragic event...even for those like me who didn't know these 2 Heroes who were killed while trying to keep the rest of us safe. On a selfish note, when such things happen in our State, my chest tightens until they release the names of those who were either injured or killed...and then I breathe I huge sigh of relief that Randy's name is not spoken. I am still sickened by the fact that Firefighters have died and have left behind grieving family and friends, but I am relieved that you, Nicole, are not one of the wives. But, like Randy has wisely said to you, there are no guarantees for anyone, no matter what a particular day's risks may carry. I used to worry like crazy when Jim would be walking across beams 30 stories high (so much that he stopped telling me when he had to do that)...and then look at this past decade. Anyway, I am truly sorry for you and Randy at this time that you mourn the passing of good people that you knew. Sending all of you an extra heap of loving hugs and kisses...and prayers that God keep you all safe.